I can update this, pm me links and description and il credit u for the link for download or sum shit

Prepare yourself, your mortal mind will not be able to bear most of this.
Java
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
I know what you are thinking, "OMFG THIS CAN'T BE REAL OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!", so settle down as I explain.
Java is a framework and a programming language. The framework part of it allows you to run programs that are made in the Java programming language. Awesome Java programs include:
-Minecraft
-Everything at [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
-That program that when you press the button it crashes

The Java programming language is a high-level Object Orientated programming language that compiles into an executable jar file.
Java is a very popular language and even inspired(Microsoft wont tell you this, those stubborn idiots) the C# syntax(though Microsoft still stuck with C for it's binaries and such).
Java even allows the use of strings(inb4 "no shit" replies).

Now you're thinking, "LOL JAVA IS SOOOO COOL, I WANTZ TO MAEK PROGRAMZ FOR IT!", so you have to get the Java JDK(Java Development Kit) which will provide you with all the needed files to create Java programs(Generally, you do not need the JDK to run Java programs).
Simply go to [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] Click "Java Platform (JDK)" (Do not click Java EE or JavaFX as they are different) and scroll down and select the operating system that you wish to install the JDK to.
Now you have the required programs to make Java applications, if you want to learn more go to [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] or find some other tutorial somewhere else(They wont be as good as thenewboston's, ture story btw).

Now that you read all of that give yourself a pat on the back and download Java today!
Oh, and remember,
JAVA APPLICATIONS ARE THE FUCKING FUTURE!
Just ask Google(Because Go is obviously not going anywhere).